Is there more to advent than this?

It’s December again and I have a confession. I’m 31 and I still get an advent calendar. And yes, I get a stocking as well (don’t pretend that you don’t too!).

December the 1^st signals the beginning of the season we call ‘advent’. Christmas preparations are getting into full swing. I don’t know about you, but I can spend most of my time preparing, not to celebrate the birth of Christ, but to fulfil the demands of the season.

There’s the annual debate – a real tree or a fake one?

And then new decorations because the children broke the baubles (you know, they squeezed them and they look rubbish with dents in)

I am being asked for my present list.

And my wife is reminding me to ask others for their lists.

The songs in the shops are already annoying me.

I can’t decide who to send Christmas cards to this year or whether to even bother at all.

In church we are preparing for carol services.

At work I’m hoping it won’t be too busy so I can book our Tesco Christmas delivery slot

My time is taken up planning, travelling, partying, working… And all the while I  forget what advent is all about.

Underneath all the fun and preparations, there can be a darkness that overshadows Christmas. Because despite all our ‘stuff’, all our songs, our parties, our gifts, our well-cooked turkeys, we know that the world is not right. We are not whole. Something is missing. We long for better days…

A new government

A new manager of my team
A new boss at work
More money
Better health

We may hope for great things, but ultimately they will let us down. And we know it.

Things probably won’t get better.

The government will fail on their promises.

The new boss will soon be gone.

Our health won’t be with us forever.

Our culture has taught us that when we wait for something, it won’t be as good as it promises.

 

The message is loud and clear:

Whatever you do, don’t get your hopes up. Just you wait and see. Don’t bother hoping.

But advent reminds us that we wait for a God who will not let us down. Hope is real. Someone is coming. A new day is about to dawn. The angels are readying themselves. The wise men are on their way. Simeon is waiting for that day when he will hold the baby Jesus in his arms so that he can die happy, because what he’d been waiting for had now arrived.

In this season of advent, we wait for Jesus. We ache, we long, we expect, we hope. Our desire grows for someone who isn’t yet here.

And God does not disappoint. When He comes, we will join the angels, the shepherds, the wise men around a pitiful sight of a baby in a filthy manger in a cold stable.

The King of the World.

Born to die.
To die for me. To die for this world. To bring us back to God.
To bring us all we’ve ever longed for.

To bring us more than this.  

 

A suggestion for advent

 

Focus your devotions on advent themes. Daily think upon what we as Christians are called to celebrate. I have used the free resource that you can find HERE as a helpful way to help me and my family anticipate and prepare for the coming of Christ and to see advent in a whole new way.

I pray that it would be a blessing to you.

 

 

Please do share any other advent-themed thoughts or suggestions

 

 

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning. (Psalm 130:5-6)

 

Picture: http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/christmas/christmas_advent_calendar.htm

I Wish She Would Respect Me More

 

Back then you just knew it. She looked at you so admiringly; she appreciated your gifts and laughed at your jokes. The man she always dreamed of; handsome (of course), strong, determined, and promising a great future together. She respected you. And you loved it.

Fast-forward a few years and I meet so many men who feel that their wives no longer respect them like they once did. Many couples wonder where all the love has gone. ‘It used to be so good’! ‘We had so much fun. Then kids came along, work got busy, and we just stopped loving each other’. Or maybe something like ‘he can’t stop looking at porn and I feel like second or even tenth best all the time’.

At the heart of it, men want to be respected and women long to be loved. As Paul says in Ephesians 5:33, ‘Husbands love your wives as yourself and (wives) respect (your) husbands’.

There is no mistake here. This is how God created it.

The chances are if you don’t feel respected then your wife doesn’t feel loved.

When your eyes aren’t for her only she can’t trust you.

When you put your needs and wants above hers she sees that you love yourself more than her.
When you fail to stand up to threats to her and your family she feels vulnerable and retreats.

Respect can soon diminish, and the frustrated husband quickly finds his love for his wife dims.

And then the lines come tripping out: ‘oh, we just drifted apart’; ‘we fell out of love’; ‘we’re not compatible any more’. And marriages split. And worlds are turned upside down.

 
3 typical male responses to feeling disrespected

1)      You dig your heels in

‘It’s her fault. She should say sorry first. She should respect me; look at the hours I put in at work, look at the house I’ve paid for. I demand respect’! And you wait for her to initiate the process. And you wait, and wait, and wait…

Of course, this doesn’t get us anywhere. Even if your wife does initiate a reconciliation you haven’t exactly gone up in her estimation. And anyway, we weren’t designed that way.

 

2)      You bury your head in the sand

Pretend it isn’t happening. Buy her flowers and chocolates. Have some good times, take her out, but gloss over the real problem.

 

3)      You repeatedly apologise for your incompetence

Now this is perhaps a start. But if you spend every week confessing your shortcomings and asking her forgiveness and go no further, she will quickly (and justifiably) get frustrated with you.

 

So what should you do about it? - 5 ideas

The Bible is clear – if you are a man, you need to man up. God calls husbands to lead their wives. When Eve took the fruit and gave it to Adam to taste, he caved in. And then when God came looking for them he addressed Adam first; “Adam, where are you”?

Throughout scripture God addresses men first when it comes to the marriage relationship. Take Ephesians 5:25-30:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body”.

If you are feeling disrespected then the onus is on you to initiate change. Rather than wait for her to start respecting you, here are 5 steps you can take to love your wife. Whether or not she respects you afterwards is up to her.

1) Protect her

Physically, put yourself in the way of danger. Even if your wife is bigger and stronger than you, lay it down for her. It’s the right thing to do. Fight her corner if she’s being exploited. Don’t let her fight on all fronts herself. Offer your support – she may well turn you down but offer it nonetheless.

Spiritually, do whatever it takes to protect her. This is what Christ did for His bride, the church. Look first at protecting yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you will not love your wife. Your wife knows this, and feels vulnerable every time you compromise. However when she knows you are right with God she can rely on you. It is irrelevant what your excuses are. Just stop. Protect your mind. And in doing so you will protect her.

Then, protect your family and home from threatening people and influences. Be aware who your kids are inviting over and where they go to play after school. Pay an interest in what they watch and read. Pray for protection for them and your wife.

Your wife doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. She will know your love if you take protecting her seriously.

 

2) Provide for her

There is something in the DNA of a man to provide for his family – if you are physically able to do so, then step up and do it. Take the initiative. Don’t let it fall on her shoulders.

Spiritually, provide for yourself. Read and pray, be close to God – this is the greatest thing you can provide your wife with. Then you have food with which to feed her and your family.

Read the Word to her.  Initiate family devotions. If you haven’t done so before ask friends for resources and ideas. Announce to your family that a new day has dawned when you will meet together daily (in our house it’s after dinner in the evening). Insist on this family time. Plan these times in advance. Then lead your family to God.

 

3) Prioritise and pursue her

Put her first. Always. When you do this she sees that you love her. This may be difficult on some (or many) days. But it is a way of honouring her.

Offer to babysit to let her get out. Give her a lie-in. Prioritise her having a quiet time over your own. Go to bed a bit earlier so you can read a Bible verse to her and pray for her even if she doesn’t welcome it at first. Be persistent.

Pursue her. Woo her again. Go on a date. Do something fun with her rather than your friends. Prioritise and cherish her above all others.

 

4) Praise her

 

If you don’t praise her, someone else will. That’s a fact. So be jealous over her.

 

Women long to be praised, loved, admired, cherished. They want to be someone’s princess. Too often we husbands don’t do this, and we wonder why our wives go on about their dads, or why that helpful guy at the supermarket the other day made her heart flutter.

If you’re having a hard time thinking of something to praise her with, write a list. I recently wrote down 50 things I love about my wife. It’s there in our room, she can glance at it when I’m out, it’s a permanent reminder that I praise and appreciate her.

5) Pray for her

You may do all the above and because of the damage in your marriage, still find yourself struggling.

Take heart. Respect takes years to develop and moments to destroy. You may need to go through some tough times, confessing where you have not lived up to this, asking her forgiveness. Give her time and be sensitive – these wounds often go deep.

Forgiveness is a supernatural gift that only God can give her.

Pray that she will have the strength to forgive you, and to forgive her too for the way she has reacted to you (because I’m not assuming that your wife is perfect!).

Pray that God would heal her.
Pray that she would come to God and find her identity and wholeness in Him.
Pray that God will restore your marriage and that your love and respect for each other would grow and grow.

 

Fight, not for respect, but for faith

So, if you’re not feeling respected, I’m not about to put my arm around you and say ‘there there’.

Instead I say, Man up! Stop putting your wife in the firing line. Lead your wife and your family. Protect her, provide for her, prioritise her, praise her and pray for her. Don’t be fatalistic, don’t be stubborn, don’t bury your head in the sand.  

It is sacrificial. It is hard. You may say ‘but you don’t know my circumstances’. It doesn’t matter. We are all called to this. We need to work at it together. Gather with other men to fight alongside you. Be honest, ask for their help.

Don’t give up when you don’t feel respected. It is your cue to repent. Fight to trust in Christ, to believe that restoration and a new day is possible.

 

                      I’ve been there.

                                                   And trust me, it's worth the fight

 

Is it right to risk?

 

Deep down many of us are longing to fight for something worthwhile. We are longing to risk.

 

And whenever we don’t, something inside of us dies.

 

Every time we say no, our hearts harden, the plight of the lost concerns us less and less, and we get comfortable where we are, armed with excuses why we are ultimately playing things safe.

Getting married seems risky – so many marriages fail, and we don’t want to get hurt. So we decide to delay and delay.

Getting too involved with politics or campaigning for justice seems risky – we might run into trouble at work, or be marginalised because we make others feel uncomfortable.

As Christians we are encouraged to share our faith with people. But it can seem risky – they might ridicule us. We might not know the answers to their questions.

Or we may feel that God is calling us to somewhere where the gospel is not being preached, be it a city centre in the UK or to the other side of the world. But it can seem risky to move – we risk not finding another job, we risk our health, we risk our families, and maybe we even risk our lives.

 

 So why do we struggle with risk?

 

1)      Because our culture is risk-averse

Our 2 big cultural idols are longevity and security.

Living a long life is a high priority; any thought of it being shortened is anathema and to die early is the greatest tragedy. So to risk our happiness and health, and even more so our lives? The message is clear – you’re crazy!

In addition, we want comfort and security. We don’t want to risk anything, right down to Argos Insurance for your new wristwatch. And this all seeps through into the church, into our lives, and we start to value security as our highest goal.

How often do you hear a commission to go to risky places preached in your church? Rarely.

Well-meaning people may ask you if you plan to move overseas like we have – ‘What about your job’? ‘What about the children’s education’? ‘What about your health’? ‘Be sensible’. They may want the best for us. But the ‘best’ is not necessarily a cosy life in suburbia.

And yet risk is part of the ordinary Christian life. As soon as we become Christians we are promised risk, even at the cost of our lives.

"Every Christian," said Stephen Neil about the early church, "knew that sooner or later he might have to testify to his faith at the cost of his life" (A History of Christian Missions). To become a Christian was to risk your life. Many did it. Why? Because they wanted to gain Christ and were ready to swim against a culture which prizes security and comfort in this life. "Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25).

 

2)      Because we don’t understand that it is really no risk at all

Matthew 13:44 says “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field”.

Look at the joy promised when the man risks all he has by selling his property!

But it was no risk at all was it? He knew what was in that field. And in his JOY he sold (risked) all that he had to get that field.

So maximize your joy.

How? For the sake of love, risk being ostracised, gossiped about and disdained, "for your reward is great in heaven" (Matthew 5:11-12).

As Christians we are safe in life and in death. God has taken away the risk of eternal death. When Jesus came to earth he risked all that he had and died in our place so that we need not fear risking our lives. ‘Neither death nor life . . . will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 3:38-39).

And so the only real risk that remains is temporal death.

So why do we fear risk? Because we value our physical life on earth more than our eternal spiritual life. But because we are made to live forever, then losing our life is no risk at all. As Christians we are safe in life and in death.

3)      Because we fear man and not God

When it comes to a ‘risky decision’ we are encouraged to ‘be wise’, to ‘weigh up the options ‘. Whilst sensible at one level, we can all too soon start trying to manage the risk. Reduce it to the minimum possible.

This is seen as wise. But is it biblical?

In Luke 9:57-62 Jesus criticises those who say that they’ll follow him but they just need to tie up some loose ends first. They seem to be acting wisely. But Jesus doesn’t think so. He calls them to follow him to a costly, risky way of life.

Proverbs 9:10 says ‘the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom’.

Not risk management.

Or risk reduction.

But instead, wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord.

Fearing the Lord means that our obedience to God trumps our risk management. Yes, we should weigh up options, seek advice, and pray about things. But if we sense God is calling us to do something, then the wise and biblical thing is to fear Him and obey. And even more so, if the Bible plainly tells us to do something, then there’s no discussion.

Such as meet together, even if doing so is illegal.

Or preach the gospel, even with the threat of jail.

Or to go where the gospel has not been preached, even if it may harm your health or even take your life. I mean, do we label foolish those who have given their lives in bringing good news to those who have never heard the Gospel?  

Jim Elliot a missionary who died taking the gospel to the Auca Indians said, ‘he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose’.

In all these cases the wise and sensible thing to do is to obey, not to debate

So should we risk?

The greatest risk we can take is to avoid risk, because when we do, something dies inside.

As we go on in the Christian life those promises we made when young, those desires to see something significant happen, to live a life that counts, that is distinctive and edgy, get lost somewhere amongst the cares of life and the deceit of our wealth. We don’t care enough about what we believe in to risk…well…anything. We fear losing our job. Or our reputation. Or our home. Or our lives. And something dies inside.

My dear friends, you were made for risk. To risk your life for Him who not only risked, but gave his life for us. It really is no risk at all when we trust the one who did it all that we might live with him forever, safe in life or in death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m a Christian…but I’m bored

As Christians we’re often told we should be the happiest of people, living the most exciting life, seeing answers to prayer and so on.

But I often meet Christians who are, well, bored. They’re not seeing these things happen. They don’t want to read their Bible every day because, well, it’s not that exciting. And when they pray it seems like they’re praying to a brick wall. And to top it all, non-Christians can seem to be having more fun!

So why are there so many bored again Christians? Here are 3 possible reasons:

1)      Our eyes are not open

Unless we’re looking for it, we can miss what God is doing.

The Bible calls us to be thankful. I have found that having an attitude of thanksgiving makes a huge difference in my day. Thanking God for his creation, my family, friends, the amazing croissant I’ve just eaten as I’m writing this, the job God has provided me with, the gifts God has given me.

And as I recognise God’s fingerprints all over my life my attitude changes.

It is far more fun to be thankful than it is to drift through my days ignoring God’s blessings in my life. Writing prayer requests down and then returning to see many of them answered is an amazing experience. Journaling helps some people track what God is doing in their lives.

Ask God to open your eyes to who He is and what He has done, and you won’t be bored.

2)      We’re not fighting for the right things

We were born to fight for something. Men in particular love fighting video games, across history they look for noble causes to join. Women fight to be recognised, to be beautiful, to be noticed and loved. Just look at Facebook.

Everyone fights for something. We all want our lives to count for something. But after a while these causes can let us down. Or they weren’t all that noble to begin with. Even the cause of promoting a good image of ourselves - we know deep inside its phony.

It’s far better to fight for something that lasts, to believe in Jesus as the most satisfying and amazing person better than anything else this world has to offer.

If you’re a Christian who finds more excitement fighting for other things, you will soon give up fighting to believe God. And your faith will stall. You’ll just coast.

You will stop growing, learning, getting to know Jesus better.

You will stop sharing your faith.

You might come to church on a Sunday, but you go through the motions.

Your faith will become an intellectual assent without life-changing power.

And you will become bored. You will look to be satisfied by other things. Relationships, video games, sports, family. All good things. But not the best.

Real faith is edgy, risky, dynamic, adrenalin fuelled. So fight for faith in Christ! Meet with others and fight together, and you will find that the fight of faith leads to true enjoyment of God’s grace, peace and joy.

3)      We’re used to being entertained

Our culture is all about instant entertainment. And we don’t want to hang around if something won’t entertain us. If this blog post is too long you switch off. If the video on YouTube doesn’t get to the point in 2 minutes you lose interest. Unless it engages your emotions in some way, whether by making you cry, making you angry or have a warm fuzzy feeling inside, it’s boring and not worth the effort.

Beware of exchanging true joy and satisfaction for superficial entertainment. Real joy and real satisfaction comes as we consider life giving truth in God’s word and as we spend time with Him in prayer. We can meet with Jesus on every page and He will speak to us if we will allow him.
And yet there will be times when we feel bored. Sin and the daily weight of things on our mind can so easily swamp us and we can feel numb when we read God’s word. We don’t feel that rush of joy every day. It can be hard work.

But fighting for joy means believing that feelings are not reliable.  And fighting for joy means asking God to help us believe that as Christians we are called to ‘life in all its fullness’.

John Piper has an acronym IOUS that I have found helpful as I come to God’s word:

I. Incline my hear to your testimonies. Psalm 119:36 (Since my heart is inclined to sleep and to work and to lots of things other than the Bible.)

O. Open my eyes to see wonders in your word. Psalm 119:18 (Since my heart is so often dull and blind to the wonders of the word.)

U. Unite my heart to fear your name. Psalm 86:11 (Since my heart is often divided and distracted in many directions)

S. Satisfy me with your steadfast love. Psalm 90:14 (Since my heart is so tempted to be satisfied in other things.)

So let me encourage you. Be honest. If you struggle with this, just tell God. You might even use this prayer:

“God, I’m bored. I’m sorry that I am not satisfied in you like you made me to be. Help me to be thankful. Help me be satisfied in you. Help me to see wonderful things in your Word. And help me to step out in faith, into the most exciting life I could possibly live. Amen”.

 

What do you think? Any other reasons? Any comments on the above?