I Worked Hard For This Body!

So, this week was back to the 5.45am wakeup call for the gym.

Really tough after such a nice two weeks of lying in, eating pretty much what I want, putting off the day when I’d have to work hard to lose it again.

The last year has seen me lose a fair bit of weight. The comments, I guess are nice – ‘oh you’re looking good’ or ‘I thought you were looking trim’. But as I’ve got back into some fitness, I’ve realised a subtle undertone to my responses of ‘thank you’ – ‘yes, I have worked hard for this’.

Early mornings.

Deadly spin classes.

Monotonous laps in the pool.

I’ve worked hard.

I deserve it…

The whole weight-loss fitness thing can have its religious overtones of course. I consult my healthy food ‘Bible’. I might ‘confess’ to my wife if I’ve contravened a ‘2’ day (yes the dreaded 5:2 diet). I try to ‘be good’ but don’t always succeed. I even dress the part in my Ron Burgundy sweatbands (that’s a joke btw). 

Why it’s harder than ever to stay fit

So why is it harder to keep fit nowadays? And why might that fuel my pride in my achievements? There’s probably several reasons, but here’s just two.

The first is our sedentary lifestyle. Technology has led to amazing advances in how we work, but has meant that to stay fit we have to put more effort in, often in our ‘spare time’. In years past, manual work and house work without white goods meant more natural fitness from our daily lives. If we ‘looked good’ then big deal, it’s just what we did; it often didn’t mean extra effort or planning.

A second factor is the rise of sugar and fat-laden foods that are so readily available. We’ve gone from consuming roughly 2 kilos of sugar a year at the end of the 1800s to roughly the same in a week (!). Cheaper and quick-to-prepare/order ready meals, ideal for our fast pace of life, add to the problem.

Performance-driven identity

What’s the problem here? Sure, when I am scoffing my face with these rather tasty Bojangles Christmas chocolates (I’ve got to finish them soon, right!?), I feel good – for a while. But then the guilt and self-loathing begins. And the comparisons – I’ll never be as fit as so and so. Unlike my brother, I’ll never be able to give up chocolate!

And when I’m winning in the gym? I feel good – for a while. And then I start comparing myself to others again. This time, my verdict is that I’m more disciplined, committed….better.

There is such a temptation to let my performance in fitness (but not only there, in so many other arenas too) dictate my identity. To determine who I can look down on to make me feel better…accepted…saved even.

Acceptance-driven identity

This is where the message of Christianity is such good news. We are accepted by God, not because of what we do, but what Jesus has done.

As Tim Keller famously said,

The gospel is the good news of gracious acceptance…Christians who trust in Christ for their acceptance with God, rather than in their own moral character, commitment, or performance, are simul iustus et peccator – simultaneously sinful yet accepted. We are more flawed and sinful than we ever dared believe, yet we are more loved and accepted than we ever dared hope at the same time.’

I don’t have to perform for anyone. My self-worth and identity isn’t dependent on how I look, or how hard I’ve worked, or if I’m fitter than someone else.

As Keller finishes his excellent little booklet ‘The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness’:

Like (the apostle) Paul, we can say, ‘I don’t care what you think. I don’t even care what I think. I only care about what the Lord thinks.’ And he has said, ‘Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’, and, ‘You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased’.

My hard work is a response to the ultimate work Jesus did for me in dying on the cross to free me from pride and find a stable identity, accepted in him. As a Christ-follower, when in the gym, and in life, I can let my acceptance drive my performance – not the other way around.

Leave the poor worship leader alone

So I am reading a lot of posts recently about this.

You know, the jokes about the endless repetition and emptiness of many of today’s worship songs (the ‘Jesus is my best friend’ songs).
Or about worship leaders who wish they were in a band and are using the church as a platform for their ego.

Or laments about many wanting to lead worship rather than preach the Word.

Some of this is quite funny. But I find it leaves a nasty taste in my mouth, and I began to wonder why.

So here’s 5 reasons why I think we should be careful when it comes to criticising worship leaders and the songs they sing:

1.       God is bigger than my personal preference

Books have been written on this, like this and this. And yes I am misusing the word ‘worship’ here (worship is what we do with our whole lives etc etc). But this is a short blog, so I’ll say this. Throughout the Bible we see a high place afforded to corporate praise and worship (e.g. Psalm 150). Playing skilfully, singing Psalms, Hymns and spiritual songs to the Lord (Ephesians 5:19, Colossians 3:16).

We are right to highlight the centrality of Scripture, and I think all would acknowledge that we can do this in song too, but it doesn’t HAVE to be a 4 verse hymn. It might include some repetition for instance; even in heaven it seems people may sing 'Holy' more than once!

I know many faithful Christians who love Jesus who are seeing people saved and loves transformed and they happen to love charismatic worship.

Stop press – God is bigger than my personal preference and he does operate outside of my denominational boundaries (although if I were Him I perhaps wouldn’t).

2.       They aren’t the only ones at it

So let’s concede for a minute that some are in the worship leading business because they love playing to 100s of people and crave the adulation of the performance rather than doing it to ‘honour God’.

The thing is, being so visible, they are an easy target.

What about the missionary who goes overseas with a superiority complex that they are the ones doing the real gospel work, secretly craving acceptance from God and others because of the sacrifice they make?

What about the young man who goes into a preaching ministry because he needs to ‘sort the church’s theology out’ and he’s the guy to do it?

Many are in ministry with mixed motives. Not that we shouldn’t check motives and deal with heretical teaching, but let’s be aware that some (and I believe it’s a minority) worship leaders aren’t the only ones at it.

3.       ‘Worship bands’ are a place of discipleship

I once heard a worship band criticised publically in a church setting. One of the band members was distraught and confused. She was growing in her faith and really sensed God had called her to lead in worship, but was now being criticised for wanting to be some contestant off the X-Factor.

The thing is, I have seen so many young people stay in church because of a peer-group band. In the long term it shouldn't be THE reason they stay of course, and most won’t be platinum-selling artists, but for many it offers an opportunity to serve, make a difference and to enjoy being in church.

Let’s be careful that we don’t alienate many who are young in the faith who will read sarcastic comments and take them (unsurprisingly) personally.

 

 

4.       It can sound snide

Look, I am a Calvinist. I have a high view of Scripture and in a corporate gathering look to the reading and preaching of God’s Word as the high point of the service.

And yet many comments I hear about young worship leaders are snide and designed to entertain.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says ‘Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…’ – this doesn’t mean don’t rebuke, it doesn’t mean don’t call out false teaching – but I sense it means that when we do so, to do so in private where possible, and to truly call someone to repentance rather than gain likes on Facebook for a witty post.

 

5.       There are poor hymns too

For me, nothing can beat a good hymn - so many contain such richness and truth.

But there are a lot of bad ones too.

I hear a lot about the new ‘Jesus is my best friend’ songs but am yet to hear people state examples after such a sweeping statement.

In fact, I could name several, but that’s not surprising. Charles Wesley wrote over 6000 hymns, but less than 600 are still referred to today. He wrote in an era when he was seen as some new kid on the block writing new-fangled songs and lovers of ‘proper hymns’ were angry.

So let’s recognise that in every era some great songs will be written, and some not-so-good ones too. But don’t let’s prevent people singing a new song to the Lord (Ps 96:1).

Clearly it’s a huge subject. There’s loads of books, posts, courses and opinions out there. I haven’t touched on most issues so feel free to comment and discuss. One post I find helpful is ‘Is Being a Worship Leader Even Biblical’? and this book ‘Worship Old and New’ is really superb.

 

Image credit: Shutterstock

All it took was a story...

 
All it took was an image. A story.

For weeks we hear the statistics

 

3620 dead in 8 months. Amongst which would have been numerous 3 year olds.

But the headlines continued.

Our politician’s stance became more entrenched.

And then a story.

An image.

3 year old Aylan Kurdi, washed up on a beach.

And everything changes.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe, in the case of Aylan Kurdi, that this is a good thing. It has woken many up to the needs. The statistic back it up. The Bible does too – it always has:

"When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not wrong him. The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God" (Leviticus 19:33-34).

But is it always a good thing that a story changes everything?

I would argue no.

Take assisted suicide. Supporters will fling aside evidence and common sense and present a story of someone who took their life to avoid a terribly painful death for example here. And they do it because it works – it sways public opinion. And it risks swaying our lawmakers.

So what can we take from this? Here’s just three.

 

1. Embrace the power of story

Doesn’t this sudden change in mood seem strange? An overnight shift, reflected by the Daily Mail’s front page above.

And yet it isn’t strange.

 

We live in the age of the image. Of the story.

Narrative and stories hold great power.

 

And yet postmodernism doesn’t have a monopoly on stories. Christians believe THE greatest story ever told. God doesn’t present us with facts and figures. He presents us with a person, Jesus Christ, who lived the life we should have lived and died the death we should die. We can boldly present God’s story – lived out in the stories of our lives. But we mustn’t stop with an emotional story - we must also explain the truth and in many cases the evidence that lies behind it.

2. Beware the power of story

Our postmodern age says that just because something moves us emotionally it must be true.
Even if it displaces logic, or flies in the face of the facts.

But we know this isn’t always the case. One might suspect there will be a backlash soon against immigrants when the mood changes and we are perceived to have taken in ‘too many’.

So we need to soberly examine our emotions against the truth of scripture.

3. Mob rule...rules?

When there is media outcry, politician’s minds are changed.

“First of all a couple of articles are written, or documentaries produced, which question what was previously taboo; then the prophets of our age, the stand up comics, take on the “new radical cause”, the soap operas introduce the subject favourably, the opinion polls tell us “what the people think”, social media kicks in and finally the politicians and judges catch up. Anyone who dares question the new establishment morality is sidelined, abused and mocked" George Robertson, Solas CPC

Where is God in this? What happens when mob rule threatens our freedoms like it threatens to with assisted suicide just next week?

And yet in the most profound miscarriage of justice ever, where mob rule condemned Jesus to death, God was supremely in control.

We can trust that he is in charge, even when mob rule prevails; when it seems good to us as in the case of Aylan Kurdi, and when it doesn’t.

Good advice: 4 things I learnt from a single mum with 4 kids

Are there conversations from years ago that you can recall even now?

What is it about them that makes them stand out?

15 years ago I was and about to go to medical school. One Sunday at church I was stopped by a lady. After a high flying academic career she was then bringing up 4 children under 5 by herself after losing her husband in tragic circumstances.

I remember her looking me in the eye and saying:

“John, when you go to medical school, will you commit to spending as much time studying the Bible as you do studying medicine? Your medicine is important. But being a doctor to souls will be just as important for you. Will you do that?”

I still remember it to this day. Word for word.

I confess that I didn’t do a great job. Yes I worked hard at uni, but I didn’t match it with Bible study. Or anyway near.

Perhaps the irony is that today I split my time 50:50 between my medical work and my church work – this was not pre-planned, but I know in God’s sense of humour that perhaps this was more a prophecy than simple advice!

So what has this taught me about giving advice?

1)      Speak boldly into people’s lives

I think about what this lady said to me often. I know that God was using her to speak to me about something, and it’s had a profound impact on me and the way I see life.

And we can do the same.

Do we believe that a single sentence from our mouth can change the course of history, even the course of eternity for someone we may speak to today?

That is what God’s Word does.

We must be ready to be bold. To risk rejection. To risk ‘getting it wrong’.

Because when it is right, God can use you to change someone’s story.

2)      Believe God can use you single mums

Ok, so I confess this subheading is an attention-grabber. Of course God can use us all - single, married, parents or otherwise.

The point is, you may feel that you are not much use in God’s kingdom.

Perhaps you used to feel that but now you feel you’re tied up - maybe with 4 kids, or family responsibilities, or illness. You feel out of the front line, that your day has gone. Or perhaps it’s yet to come in the first place!

But see how God used this lady in my life!? She didn’t resign herself to insignificance. She faithfully did what God gave her to do.

So trust God can use you.

He will probably use you more significantly in difficult times than when you feel you’re ideally positioned to be used!

3)      Advice: a dish best served face to face

Where do you get advice from? We seem to read or listen to hundreds of pieces of advice a day via blogs, articles, Twitter feeds, text messages or Facebook posts. But how much do we remember?

Of course, we can remember quite a bit. And of course God can speak to us via a computer.

But 15 years on I can still remember where we were and how I was feeling. I remember this lady looking me in the eye. I remember feeling a bit daunted. I can feel it, even now.

When we communicate via computers we can forget that people are spiritual beings. Consequently we can be more flippant, critical and freer with our words, not realising we are having an effect on the eternal destinies of those we communicate with.

So let me encourage you, when you have a word to speak into someone’s life, do it face to face if you can.

4)      Say thank you

At a wedding recently I saw this lady for the first time in at least 7 years.

As I told her about what I’m up to, I noted my eyes were filling with tears. I was understanding the effect of her words in my life as I spoke.

The impact she has had on me has been immeasurable. I am so thankful that she stepped out in faith and spoke those words to me all those years ago.

And I had the privilege of being able to encourage her.

With words that sum up what I still feel today:

‘Thank you’.

How about you?

What have you learnt from giving/receiving advice?

Hypocritical Christians

A friend said to me that the reason he left the faith was because of ‘all those hypocritical Christians’. I found it sad to hear. Because I kind of know what he meant.

Why did he say this?

Why doesn’t the radical Gospel we read of in the Bible produce radical, committed Christians who not only talk the talk but walk the walk?

 

Hopes and Dreams

Simon Guillebaud is a missionary from Burundi, Central Africa, and he recently spoke in Canterbury. And he said something that  really struck me. It went something like this:

‘People in your street, in your workplace, in your friendship group have hopes and dreams. They mark these by the way they dress, what they spend their money on and how they spend their time. Christian - when you look the same as them – when you have the same house, same car, same clothes, same holidays, same topics of conversation – they assume that you share their hopes and dreams. They assume you are ‘one of them’.

And of course he is right. Many of us, me included, often desperately try not to stand out from the crowd.
Because it attracts attention. It attracts criticism. I might be seen as being too keen, or that I am judging others by trying to be better than them.

And yet it must be true in our ever increasingly secular culture that if we believe the Word of God and put it into practice, that is, if our hope is that our home is not in this world but above, that our riches are not on this earth but in heaven, that our approval comes from God and not from man –then we WILL look different.

Very different.

 

My inspiration

I know a Christian leader who has had the jobs and social standing to obtain all the ingredients for a successful life – the detached home, new 3 piece suite, impressive wardrobe, plasma screen, new car, nice holidays etc. And I’ve heard him preach numerous times. I confess I can remember little, but I do remember that he preaches about giving sacrificially – giving until it hurts.

And you know what, his life choices just scream agreement with what he believes. His house is far from luxurious. It is clear he must give a huge proportion of his income away. He doesn’t mention any of this, I’ve happened to see it. His walking the walk is the most POWERFUL message his life speaks to me. Because I know he is living a costly life. Money has not corrupted him. Societal pressure has not moulded him. Contempt from his peers has not daunted him.

And so when he speaks, I listen.

Because I know he believes it.

Do you inspire others?

Can you say the same? Or are you syncretistic and mix Christianity with materialism as much as the archetypal African tribal person mixes faith with ancestor worship?

Are you making committed, sacrificial, passionate disciples of Jesus?
 

Can your kids see that you really believe the gospel or do they see it as a nice add-on which gives a sense of security and a nice group of friends?
 

Are you ready for the cost? In the UK it is often social - it might mean uncomfortable pauses – ‘Oh, so you live there’…! Your holidays might not be as exciting; your home furnishings might not fit with your social standing; you may feel like an alien and a stranger whose home is not on this earth (hold on a minute….!).

The Facebook mirror

So if you confess to be a Christian – look at your Facebook posts over the last month. Look at your Tweets. Recall your workplace conversations. Look at your bank statement.

And be honest with yourself.

Does it match up with what who I say I am? Does your life demonstrate what you hope for? Does it provoke questions?

Because if it doesn’t, then something has gone terribly wrong. Jesus died to give us life. The most exciting, fruitful life comes from following Him wholeheartedly, unreservedly, putting your trust not in security that this world offers but in Christ.

If your security comes from these other things, in particular the approval of man, then no wonder you feel your Christian life is boring, lifeless and lacking reality.

 

Our example

Let me say that I need help in this area. Lots of it.

So let’s ask God to help us.

To forgive us for being hypocritical Christians. For saying our hope is in Christ but living as if our hope was the same as everyone else’s.

To follow the example of Christ who “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrew 12:2).

And let’s ask Him to help us step out in faith and show with our words and energy and money and time and attitude that we are in a new community, a new Kingdom, a new reality where wholehearted discipleship replaces lukewarm apathy.

And then let’s enjoy the blessings that God promises for those who give their all to follow him.

 

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things”. Phil 3:8

Chris Froome's Biblical Secret to Success

After imperiously winning the Tour de France last year, I along with many others have wondered just how Chris Froome did it. Deep down we’re all desperately hoping he’s not another Lance Armstrong!

 

And so with this year’s TDF coming around again I recently read Froome’s autobiography to try and find out just how he did it.

 

Overall it is an entertaining read and a great insight into the life of a professional cyclist. But for me, this paragraph seemed to stick out a mile:

 

‘…back in Nairobi I joined old friends…for parties and nights out. Being teenagers, and fairly affluent, my friends were drinking and smoking joints. I mentioned the nights out to Kinjah (his cycling mentor) and he was not at all impressed. I was surprised at how strict and stern he was with me. That was not the way to go, he said. It definitely made an impact with me. I realised I couldn’t live fully in both worlds. I would have to choose. Being a good sufferer on the bike, the choice was easy (p51)’.

Later on he describes his training rides whilst at boarding school in South Africa; every day he snuck out at 5am into the freezing cold to do a 3 hour training ride with his mate Matt. Yes - every day of the week!

‘As we ride, the air pushes against us and bumps us about. My lips are cracked from the cold…it’s like being dipped in frost. I shiver and shudder down the slope of long dark hills. It’s love though. Every ache and chill. Me and my Colnago and these hills. In love, everybody hurts. If you are serious about bikes and hills, it hurts (p58)’.

This discipline, this single-mindedness is phenomenal. Froome understands that to succeed in this relationship with his bike it requires his all. It means suffering. It means sacrifice. It means discipline.

But as he says later:

‘I found that from the pain came satisfaction, from the suffering, joy’ (p61).

What a challenge that is! Froome is in love with the suffering on his training rides. And he says that the joy of a stage win, and ultimately his glorious Tour de France win, makes it all worthwhile.

In fact, his writing could almost be taken from the Bible:

‘More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…’ (Romans 5:3-4)

This almost-religious language that Froome uses got me thinking.

Can I say the same about my relationship with Jesus?

Will I single-mindedly set aside my comfort and distractions (both unhealthy and healthy) to pursue him?
Even if it means early mornings?
Even if it hurts?
Even if it means sacrifice?

There’s something inside us, and I believe it is God-given, that knows that real joy comes through sacrifice, endurance and suffering.

That is the Gospel.

That is the call to each who trusts in Christ.
There is no easy ride...that is not how God has designed it.

And yet I find myself looking for the easy ride.

I look to side-step the training.
Because it’s hard.
Because it hurts.
Because it’s costly.
Because choosing to live fully in God’s will comes at a price.
Because unlike Froome, I don’t suffer easily.

And yet the joy of finishing this race will mean it is all worthwhile. We find the ultimate inspiration, the guarantee of a glorious finish, by looking at Jesus himself:

‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God’. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

At the end of my earthly race, which has a prize far greater than the Yellow Jersey, I hope that I will be able to say with the apostle Paul:

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7)

 

 

Is 11am Sunday the most segregated hour of your week?

 

 

Who goes to your church?

No, not just names.

What are they like?

Are they white or black?

Middle or working class?
Do they all like a formal or informal service?
Are they all ‘educated’?
Are they hands up, hands out or hands down?

And so on...

 

You may well baulk at the distinctions I’ve just drawn.

The question remains however – is your time at church the most culturally segregated time of your week?

 

Multicultural society

We live in a multicultural society. Many of you will work and study with people from all over the world. Your neighbours may be Eastern European. Your work colleague may be Asian. Your Badminton partner may be South American. We are used to living alongside and often counting as friends people from different cultures, with different religions and different tastes and preferences.

 

Monocultural church

But so often churches can be monocultural. So I may visit a ‘black African’ church. Or I may visit a strict Baptist (aka in my experience white middle class central). Or even a ‘youth church’. And I confess, I feel uncomfortable about this. Perhaps in part because I feel uncomfortable in churches where people are so different to me. The thought of mixing it up seems, well, just a bit radical…

 

The diverse church

Galatians 3:28 says: There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus”.

And in heaven the church is described as being ‘from every tribe and language and people and nation (Revelation 5:9).

• A diverse church presents this as a present-yet-future reality.
• A diverse church shows the world that Jesus is not a tribal God but Lord of all nations and ethnicities.
• A diverse church is evidence of Christ’s power on the cross to “reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility” (Eph. 2:16).

 

Stop segregating

And so God’s church is not supposed to be segregated. Granted, we will naturally drift towards those like ourselves. In some ways I believe God means for the Global Church to have different local expressions. This is not in and of itself wrong.

But what if? What if we saw an end to black and white churches? What if we saw an end to churches defined by cultural preference and instead we are defined by our belief in the Gospel?

What a magnificent picture people of different cultures, preferences, personalities, all united under the gospel presents to the world.

 

So let me ask:

• Will you desire to demonstrate the Gospel in your church by pursuing cultural diversity?

• Will you abandon many of your secondary preferences for a greater goal?

• Will you stop being comfortable with people who are just like yourself and see that church is not for you or for us, but for Him and for a needy world?

Will your Sunday service be the most culturally segregated of your week?

Thanks for reading.
Any thoughts? Am I way off the mark with this?

 

 

WHEN CHRISTIANS LIE TO EACH OTHER

‘Loved the sermon’

‘You’re such a great singer’

‘You were born to do children’s work’

‘You want to do cross-cultural mission? That’s amazing!’

My first sermon was an absolute wreck – but it has taken me years to drag it out of someone that that was the case. How I wish they’d told me…

 

I wonder how many people are going around believing they are a born preacher, or born worship leader, or born sound technician….and all the while people are too scared to tell them the truth?

 

How many of you have pursued something for years when finally someone has told you that you should do something else?

Why do we lie to each other (and yes, not saying something is just as bad)?

 

Perhaps it’s because Christians are too ‘nice’

We’re not brought up to be cutthroat. We like to give people opportunities (and rightly so). We want to be encouragers. We take seriously warnings to make sure we live in unity, that we speak in love to one another,

 

Perhaps it’s because Christians are scared

Scared that we’ll damage someone, that we’ll scar someone for life. This is probably because we haven’t got a relationship with that person which gives us permission to speak into their life.

 

But you know what I think is the real reason?

 

We’ve sold out to a church culture rather than scriptural truth. We’ve fallen into a cultural trap where we only say what we really think behind people’s backs. And worst of all, we choose to misinterpret the Bible to support our mistaken view.

But since when does unity mean that we only say nice things to one another?

Since when does speaking in love mean flattery or giving selective feedback? Isn’t love more than making someone feel good about themselves?
Since when does thinking of others as better than myself mean we won’t give ‘negative’ feedback?

 

What's the result?

MANY people are stuck wondering what they are good at. They are confused about what their gifts are. They have received either mixed messages, or told they are gifted in an area when they perhaps know deep inside they are not.

Deep down people are looking for guidance. And God has put us in community so that we can do this. Not so that we confuse each other more.

I’m convinced we wouldn’t need so many spiritual gift questionnaires if we only tried stuff and were then honest – honest with ourselves, and honest with others.

 

So how are we to speak truth to one another?

 

1) Gain permission

Care about that person. Spend some time with them. Get to know them. If the only thing you say to them that week is to cast doubt on their life-long calling you will not gain a favourable response. But when you’ve spent time with them, observed them, shared life with them, encouraged them – then you are in a better position to challenge.

 

2) When you take something away, put something back in

Feedback should never be ‘negative’. If we feel something has not gone as well as it could, be ready to say what did go well or what other options that person could pursue.

3)  Speak the truth in love

If we really love the person we will speak truth to them. But we will do so in love, with their best interests at heart. This will mean we do so. It will not be public, rash, thoughtless or unkind, but in privacy, after due thought, respectfully and gently.

4) Don’t surround yourself with people who say what you want to hear

If everyone you ask for counsel says nice things about you, you probably aren’t asking the right people. Make sure that at least one person in your inner circle is giving you balanced feedback.

 

They will make you uncomfortable. They will sometimes upset you. But they are invaluable to you.

So as a Christian who believes that God speaks to me through others, please give me constructive feedback. Speak to me carefully and gently. Don’t destroy me.

But please, don’t lie to me.