My Brother's Getting Married In the Morning

30 years ago I proudly became an older brother.

And after years of making dens, making each other laugh, camping together, sharing rooms, annoying each other…he’s about to get married to a wonderful woman!

So what do you say when someone who you have shared so much with, who you respect and admire, is about to get married?

Here are 3 things I want to say to my brother:

 

1)      Don’t stop celebrating

Tomorrow will be amazing. I can’t wait. But bro, some people will say things like ‘You’ll never have a day life it’ or ‘this will be the best day of your life’. Let me encourage you – it gets even better. Celebrate waking up in the same bed as each other. Celebrate kissing her when you get home from work. Celebrate holding her hand 10 years down the line. Celebrate birthdays, family, food, job promotions, children and life itself. As 1 Corinthians 10:31 says: ‘So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God’.

2)      Keep date night sacred

As time goes on, you will be tempted to prioritise others above yourself and above your wife. It might be ‘me time’. Or good things, like helping others. But bro, let me encourage you - make your first priority to spend time with your wife. To have fun. To dress up. To share your heart. To study her. To identify her love languages and then speak them to her.

 

Love her, even when it hurts. Pray for her daily; read the Bible with her; encourage her. And as you do this, you will present your wife spotless before Christ. This is your task and you’ve chosen to accept it.

 

3)      Teach others

I am constantly amazed at what God gave us as kids. Godly parents, opportunities, great experiences, Playstation 1 games, and times when you would laugh and laugh and laugh…at really random things! And bro, God has massively gifted you. Your heart for the poor beats strong. I admire your work with poor and oppressed children. You have vision to change the world for good.

Just by living you are a model to many. And now your opportunities are multiplied. As you have freely received, I pray that you would freely continue to give. Show people what it means to lay down your life for your wife. Serve together, minister together, and as you do so demonstrate to others the meaning of your marriage – a picture of Christ and the church.

 

So bro – congratulations! I love you. You are embarking on a journey of greater complexity and stress than ever before, and yet of great joy and reward too.

I look forward to being there with you and for you along the way.

 

 

 

I Wish I Was Mark Driscoll

I wish I was someone else.

I wish I could speak, or write.

I wish I could remember all those theological arguments.

I wish I was more hospitable.

I wish I wouldn’t get depressed.

And for me…well…I confess that I wish I was more like Mark Driscoll - great communicator, pastor, leader, has published some books, has 470k Twitter followers (as opposed to my 82!), influential, controversial and so on…

Ever think like that?

Ever look at a Christian who seems to have real purpose? A missionary doctor perhaps? A theologian? A pastor? Someone who works with the homeless most evenings? And so on.

And we wish we were just like them.

But comparisons with ‘someone else’ are dangerous. Why?

 

1) God made you, you

God could have made you to be born in another era, in another country, to another set of parents, with different gifts.

 

But he made you, well…you.

Your personality, your experiences, your heart-cry, your gifts, your family, your town, your job. These are not a mistake. God didn’t mess up when he made you; you can’t alter these things.

For example, He didn’t make me a talented communicator living in an American city. Ah ha, I say, but should I move to be a church planter in an American City? Well, it seems not.

And I simply need to ask God to help me believe that.

 

2) ‘Someone else’ has issues too

Most people we want to be like, we want to be like because they have a great life.

They don’t have to deal with my insecurities, my faults.

They probably get ‘success’ because they are a pretty sorted person.

But that just isn’t true. Lurking beneath the surface of each one of us we have issues. We don’t hear about them in most cases. But believe me, everyone does.

I’m not saying that disobedience doesn’t block opportunities – unfortunately it does. But we all start from the same position.

And were we to ‘make it big’, we wouldn’t necessarily be more satisfied anyway – there’s always someone else further up the chain than you.

 

3) You are significant

At the heart of our desire to be like someone else is a desire for significance – to be someone more influential, someone with a greater voice in our world.

I struggle with this.

In this corner of England, in Canterbury, I feel incredibly insignificant sometimes.

I want to affect the world! I have energy. I have education. I have the desire. Why am I still here? Why am I not leading a church of 15,000?

The problem is, I am looking to get my significance from achievement. When I am not achieving something I’ve decided I want to achieve (namely changing the world) I feel a real sense of deflation.

I feel insignificant.

I feel  a second class citizen in God’s Kingdom.

The root of this of course is pride - a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements. And yet the Bible commands us to humility

Philippians 2:3: Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

 

This is the antidote to pride.

Because I can’t improve on God’s achievements in Jesus. God tells me, that before I do anything, I am significant in his eyes. It isn’t based on my popularity or global reach or numbers in my church.

Nothing I can do will make me any more significant, because Jesus has done it all.

Imitate others…

Examples are great. It is good to aspire to others. It helps us picture what sacrificial service looks like. It helps us see what a Christ-like person is actually like.

So yes, I can learn a lot from Mark Driscoll; I can even imitate him to some degree (and cause some controversy on the way more than likely).

…as they imitate Christ

 

But this is the key. Any imitation should be because ultimately, I wish I was more like Christ.

And I can leave the details up to Him.