Good advice: 4 things I learnt from a single mum with 4 kids

Are there conversations from years ago that you can recall even now?

What is it about them that makes them stand out?

15 years ago I was and about to go to medical school. One Sunday at church I was stopped by a lady. After a high flying academic career she was then bringing up 4 children under 5 by herself after losing her husband in tragic circumstances.

I remember her looking me in the eye and saying:

“John, when you go to medical school, will you commit to spending as much time studying the Bible as you do studying medicine? Your medicine is important. But being a doctor to souls will be just as important for you. Will you do that?”

I still remember it to this day. Word for word.

I confess that I didn’t do a great job. Yes I worked hard at uni, but I didn’t match it with Bible study. Or anyway near.

Perhaps the irony is that today I split my time 50:50 between my medical work and my church work – this was not pre-planned, but I know in God’s sense of humour that perhaps this was more a prophecy than simple advice!

So what has this taught me about giving advice?

1)      Speak boldly into people’s lives

I think about what this lady said to me often. I know that God was using her to speak to me about something, and it’s had a profound impact on me and the way I see life.

And we can do the same.

Do we believe that a single sentence from our mouth can change the course of history, even the course of eternity for someone we may speak to today?

That is what God’s Word does.

We must be ready to be bold. To risk rejection. To risk ‘getting it wrong’.

Because when it is right, God can use you to change someone’s story.

2)      Believe God can use you single mums

Ok, so I confess this subheading is an attention-grabber. Of course God can use us all - single, married, parents or otherwise.

The point is, you may feel that you are not much use in God’s kingdom.

Perhaps you used to feel that but now you feel you’re tied up - maybe with 4 kids, or family responsibilities, or illness. You feel out of the front line, that your day has gone. Or perhaps it’s yet to come in the first place!

But see how God used this lady in my life!? She didn’t resign herself to insignificance. She faithfully did what God gave her to do.

So trust God can use you.

He will probably use you more significantly in difficult times than when you feel you’re ideally positioned to be used!

3)      Advice: a dish best served face to face

Where do you get advice from? We seem to read or listen to hundreds of pieces of advice a day via blogs, articles, Twitter feeds, text messages or Facebook posts. But how much do we remember?

Of course, we can remember quite a bit. And of course God can speak to us via a computer.

But 15 years on I can still remember where we were and how I was feeling. I remember this lady looking me in the eye. I remember feeling a bit daunted. I can feel it, even now.

When we communicate via computers we can forget that people are spiritual beings. Consequently we can be more flippant, critical and freer with our words, not realising we are having an effect on the eternal destinies of those we communicate with.

So let me encourage you, when you have a word to speak into someone’s life, do it face to face if you can.

4)      Say thank you

At a wedding recently I saw this lady for the first time in at least 7 years.

As I told her about what I’m up to, I noted my eyes were filling with tears. I was understanding the effect of her words in my life as I spoke.

The impact she has had on me has been immeasurable. I am so thankful that she stepped out in faith and spoke those words to me all those years ago.

And I had the privilege of being able to encourage her.

With words that sum up what I still feel today:

‘Thank you’.

How about you?

What have you learnt from giving/receiving advice?

Hypocritical Christians

A friend said to me that the reason he left the faith was because of ‘all those hypocritical Christians’. I found it sad to hear. Because I kind of know what he meant.

Why did he say this?

Why doesn’t the radical Gospel we read of in the Bible produce radical, committed Christians who not only talk the talk but walk the walk?

 

Hopes and Dreams

Simon Guillebaud is a missionary from Burundi, Central Africa, and he recently spoke in Canterbury. And he said something that  really struck me. It went something like this:

‘People in your street, in your workplace, in your friendship group have hopes and dreams. They mark these by the way they dress, what they spend their money on and how they spend their time. Christian - when you look the same as them – when you have the same house, same car, same clothes, same holidays, same topics of conversation – they assume that you share their hopes and dreams. They assume you are ‘one of them’.

And of course he is right. Many of us, me included, often desperately try not to stand out from the crowd.
Because it attracts attention. It attracts criticism. I might be seen as being too keen, or that I am judging others by trying to be better than them.

And yet it must be true in our ever increasingly secular culture that if we believe the Word of God and put it into practice, that is, if our hope is that our home is not in this world but above, that our riches are not on this earth but in heaven, that our approval comes from God and not from man –then we WILL look different.

Very different.

 

My inspiration

I know a Christian leader who has had the jobs and social standing to obtain all the ingredients for a successful life – the detached home, new 3 piece suite, impressive wardrobe, plasma screen, new car, nice holidays etc. And I’ve heard him preach numerous times. I confess I can remember little, but I do remember that he preaches about giving sacrificially – giving until it hurts.

And you know what, his life choices just scream agreement with what he believes. His house is far from luxurious. It is clear he must give a huge proportion of his income away. He doesn’t mention any of this, I’ve happened to see it. His walking the walk is the most POWERFUL message his life speaks to me. Because I know he is living a costly life. Money has not corrupted him. Societal pressure has not moulded him. Contempt from his peers has not daunted him.

And so when he speaks, I listen.

Because I know he believes it.

Do you inspire others?

Can you say the same? Or are you syncretistic and mix Christianity with materialism as much as the archetypal African tribal person mixes faith with ancestor worship?

Are you making committed, sacrificial, passionate disciples of Jesus?
 

Can your kids see that you really believe the gospel or do they see it as a nice add-on which gives a sense of security and a nice group of friends?
 

Are you ready for the cost? In the UK it is often social - it might mean uncomfortable pauses – ‘Oh, so you live there’…! Your holidays might not be as exciting; your home furnishings might not fit with your social standing; you may feel like an alien and a stranger whose home is not on this earth (hold on a minute….!).

The Facebook mirror

So if you confess to be a Christian – look at your Facebook posts over the last month. Look at your Tweets. Recall your workplace conversations. Look at your bank statement.

And be honest with yourself.

Does it match up with what who I say I am? Does your life demonstrate what you hope for? Does it provoke questions?

Because if it doesn’t, then something has gone terribly wrong. Jesus died to give us life. The most exciting, fruitful life comes from following Him wholeheartedly, unreservedly, putting your trust not in security that this world offers but in Christ.

If your security comes from these other things, in particular the approval of man, then no wonder you feel your Christian life is boring, lifeless and lacking reality.

 

Our example

Let me say that I need help in this area. Lots of it.

So let’s ask God to help us.

To forgive us for being hypocritical Christians. For saying our hope is in Christ but living as if our hope was the same as everyone else’s.

To follow the example of Christ who “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrew 12:2).

And let’s ask Him to help us step out in faith and show with our words and energy and money and time and attitude that we are in a new community, a new Kingdom, a new reality where wholehearted discipleship replaces lukewarm apathy.

And then let’s enjoy the blessings that God promises for those who give their all to follow him.

 

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things”. Phil 3:8

Chris Froome's Biblical Secret to Success

After imperiously winning the Tour de France last year, I along with many others have wondered just how Chris Froome did it. Deep down we’re all desperately hoping he’s not another Lance Armstrong!

 

And so with this year’s TDF coming around again I recently read Froome’s autobiography to try and find out just how he did it.

 

Overall it is an entertaining read and a great insight into the life of a professional cyclist. But for me, this paragraph seemed to stick out a mile:

 

‘…back in Nairobi I joined old friends…for parties and nights out. Being teenagers, and fairly affluent, my friends were drinking and smoking joints. I mentioned the nights out to Kinjah (his cycling mentor) and he was not at all impressed. I was surprised at how strict and stern he was with me. That was not the way to go, he said. It definitely made an impact with me. I realised I couldn’t live fully in both worlds. I would have to choose. Being a good sufferer on the bike, the choice was easy (p51)’.

Later on he describes his training rides whilst at boarding school in South Africa; every day he snuck out at 5am into the freezing cold to do a 3 hour training ride with his mate Matt. Yes - every day of the week!

‘As we ride, the air pushes against us and bumps us about. My lips are cracked from the cold…it’s like being dipped in frost. I shiver and shudder down the slope of long dark hills. It’s love though. Every ache and chill. Me and my Colnago and these hills. In love, everybody hurts. If you are serious about bikes and hills, it hurts (p58)’.

This discipline, this single-mindedness is phenomenal. Froome understands that to succeed in this relationship with his bike it requires his all. It means suffering. It means sacrifice. It means discipline.

But as he says later:

‘I found that from the pain came satisfaction, from the suffering, joy’ (p61).

What a challenge that is! Froome is in love with the suffering on his training rides. And he says that the joy of a stage win, and ultimately his glorious Tour de France win, makes it all worthwhile.

In fact, his writing could almost be taken from the Bible:

‘More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…’ (Romans 5:3-4)

This almost-religious language that Froome uses got me thinking.

Can I say the same about my relationship with Jesus?

Will I single-mindedly set aside my comfort and distractions (both unhealthy and healthy) to pursue him?
Even if it means early mornings?
Even if it hurts?
Even if it means sacrifice?

There’s something inside us, and I believe it is God-given, that knows that real joy comes through sacrifice, endurance and suffering.

That is the Gospel.

That is the call to each who trusts in Christ.
There is no easy ride...that is not how God has designed it.

And yet I find myself looking for the easy ride.

I look to side-step the training.
Because it’s hard.
Because it hurts.
Because it’s costly.
Because choosing to live fully in God’s will comes at a price.
Because unlike Froome, I don’t suffer easily.

And yet the joy of finishing this race will mean it is all worthwhile. We find the ultimate inspiration, the guarantee of a glorious finish, by looking at Jesus himself:

‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God’. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

At the end of my earthly race, which has a prize far greater than the Yellow Jersey, I hope that I will be able to say with the apostle Paul:

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7)